Release Reviews: Living Out Loud: Nyrae Dawn and Christina Lee
Nyrae Dawn and Christina Lee
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Released September 8, 2017
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Ben Emerson has lived by his minister father’s rules most of his life. Born into an ultra-conservative church community, he’s finally brave enough to break free and move to San Francisco. Distancing himself certainly helps create a new mindset, but living as an openly gay man takes some getting used to. When he reaches out to Xavier, a childhood friend who lives in the city, Ben isn’t sure how he’ll respond given their thorny history. Ben hopes the familiar connection will help him right some wrongs as well as provide the solace he’s been craving.
Xavier Ramos is who he is, and he doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks. Whether it’s eyeliner, nail polish, tattoos or his love of hooking up, he uses his body as a form of self-expression but doesn’t let anyone get too close. When Ben reenters his life, Xavier helps him experience the city and feel comfortable in his own skin. Seeing the world through Ben’s eyes, he begins to wonder if he’s also not living as freely as he thought.
When Xavier challenges Ben’s beliefs about sex, it becomes explosive—for both of them. Xavier breaks apart Ben’s sheltered world and shows him what it’s like to live out loud. The more time they spend together, the more Xavier begins to long for Ben in a different way—one that both surprises and scares him. But real life doesn’t fade into the background, so when Ben’s past comes knocking, old habits are hard to break. Testing the foundation of their deepening connection will take a trust that will either bind them…or tear them apart.
**Riley Hart writing as Nyrae Dawn
**Ben is from PAINT THE STARS and Xavier is from A HUNDRED THOUSAND WORDS, but LIVING OUT LOUD can be read as a complete standalone.
Ben Emerson is a minister's son who has been struggling with his sexuality since his teens largely due to the toxic influence of his family and the church trying to convince him that his feelings are wrong. We know him as Ezra's conflicted, college ex-boyfriend from Paint The Stars, and we saw Ben through the hurt eyes of Ezra. But now we see what Ben has really been through and why he made some of his past choices. After much soul searching, Ben is now living in San Francisco and trying to build his own life.
He takes a bold step messaging his former childhood best friend, Xavier Ramos. They were very close, but young, and had confusing feelings. And ultimately it ended in pain and the loss of their friendship. But now they are older, wiser, and more in tune with themselves. Xavier was first introduced as Toby's room mate in A Hundred Thousand Words. He projects his own personality to the world with his attitude and outer forms of expression. He is bold, pierced, tatted, likes some feminine embellishments, and is casual about sex. He is out, but does not get attached or share intimacy. He was a lonely kid and has abandonment issues and a fear of rejection.
As Ben becomes more comfortable asking Xavier for what he needs--to explore his sexuality in a safe and accepting way--they begin to grow closer again. Lessons in life, desire, sexual experiences, trust, and understanding only strengthen their connection that was a big part of their past. It was supposed to only be a physical relationship with no strings, but their attachment, feelings, and fears begin to grow. Xavier is patient and protective, and gives Ben courage to be himself. He pushes him out of his comfort zone to learn what he really likes and to challenge his pre-conceived boundaries. Ben has always seen the real Xavier and made him feel important, even when he felt invisible to others. And Ben makes Xavier more willing to share intimacy and be more vulnerable than he ever has with anyone.
But their pasts have left scars. Ben especially struggles with the right and wrong of feelings, and the negative influences in his life. And Xavier's fear of loss and rejection holds him back. They both have insecurities and fears, but so many strong feelings. They want. They need. They hope. They worry. They come together. They separate to process. They learn about each other and themselves. It is a whole new world for both of them and difficult to accept the possibilities of what could be if they can let go of their pasts, embrace the present, and hope for a future. They are different in many ways, but also can balance and ground each other.
Will they find the strength to fight their demons, hold onto each other, and truly live their lives how they want?
This is told in dual points of view so we can understand what they are really feeling and thinking even when they are afraid to share it. I really liked both of the main characters and could understand their motivations and fears. It is emotional, heartbreaking, sexy, sweet, funny, frustrating, and full of good messages. This is a story about self discovery, but also about friends, family, acceptance, freedom of choice, and living life to the fullest. It brings back some characters from other Christina and Nyrae books, but can be read as a complete standalone. But having read the others, I enjoyed the progressions of some of the other couples as well.
I was gifted a copy in exchange for an honest review.
The fourth collaboration between authors Christina Lee and Nyrae Dawn, Living Out Loud, is technically a spin-off from their earlier series and an earlier solo work from Nyrae Dawn, A Hundred Thousand Words. As with their previous joint works, Living Out Loud contains a compelling and enjoyable story—and perhaps unlike the others, this one is heavy on the scorching hot sexytimes—but unlike my impressions of the earlier books, I struggled with the storytelling in one character’s point of view (POV), and it kept me from being able to like this novel as much.
He takes a bold step messaging his former childhood best friend, Xavier Ramos. They were very close, but young, and had confusing feelings. And ultimately it ended in pain and the loss of their friendship. But now they are older, wiser, and more in tune with themselves. Xavier was first introduced as Toby's room mate in A Hundred Thousand Words. He projects his own personality to the world with his attitude and outer forms of expression. He is bold, pierced, tatted, likes some feminine embellishments, and is casual about sex. He is out, but does not get attached or share intimacy. He was a lonely kid and has abandonment issues and a fear of rejection.
As Ben becomes more comfortable asking Xavier for what he needs--to explore his sexuality in a safe and accepting way--they begin to grow closer again. Lessons in life, desire, sexual experiences, trust, and understanding only strengthen their connection that was a big part of their past. It was supposed to only be a physical relationship with no strings, but their attachment, feelings, and fears begin to grow. Xavier is patient and protective, and gives Ben courage to be himself. He pushes him out of his comfort zone to learn what he really likes and to challenge his pre-conceived boundaries. Ben has always seen the real Xavier and made him feel important, even when he felt invisible to others. And Ben makes Xavier more willing to share intimacy and be more vulnerable than he ever has with anyone.
But their pasts have left scars. Ben especially struggles with the right and wrong of feelings, and the negative influences in his life. And Xavier's fear of loss and rejection holds him back. They both have insecurities and fears, but so many strong feelings. They want. They need. They hope. They worry. They come together. They separate to process. They learn about each other and themselves. It is a whole new world for both of them and difficult to accept the possibilities of what could be if they can let go of their pasts, embrace the present, and hope for a future. They are different in many ways, but also can balance and ground each other.
Will they find the strength to fight their demons, hold onto each other, and truly live their lives how they want?
This is told in dual points of view so we can understand what they are really feeling and thinking even when they are afraid to share it. I really liked both of the main characters and could understand their motivations and fears. It is emotional, heartbreaking, sexy, sweet, funny, frustrating, and full of good messages. This is a story about self discovery, but also about friends, family, acceptance, freedom of choice, and living life to the fullest. It brings back some characters from other Christina and Nyrae books, but can be read as a complete standalone. But having read the others, I enjoyed the progressions of some of the other couples as well.
I was gifted a copy in exchange for an honest review.
The fourth collaboration between authors Christina Lee and Nyrae Dawn, Living Out Loud, is technically a spin-off from their earlier series and an earlier solo work from Nyrae Dawn, A Hundred Thousand Words. As with their previous joint works, Living Out Loud contains a compelling and enjoyable story—and perhaps unlike the others, this one is heavy on the scorching hot sexytimes—but unlike my impressions of the earlier books, I struggled with the storytelling in one character’s point of view (POV), and it kept me from being able to like this novel as much.
Ben Emerson, who was introduced in Paint the Stars as the ex of one of its main characters, struggles with his sexuality after growing up in a strict religious community where his father was the minister. When his best friend, Xavier Ramos (who was introduced in A Hundred Thousand Words as the roommate of one of its main characters), kissed him as a teenager, he reacted with revulsion despite knowing it’s exactly what he wanted. Now well in his twenties, even after moving away from his toxic upbringing for a second time, this time to San Francisco, the conditioning from years of having anti-gay messages pounded into his head still affects his ability to feel comfortable with the idea of sex with another man. After years of no contact, Ben reconnects with Xavier, who is now living loud and proud with no interest in more than sex and friendship with anyone. When they strike a deal for Xavier to help Ben change his mind set about sex, neither expects feelings to ignite, and when the past rears its ugly head, it threatens to hurt them both.
While Living Out Loud can be read as a standalone, the main characters of four earlier books appear within the story. Having read three of the four books, I recognized most of the names, but it is worth noting that very little introduction is given to these other characters within this novel, so be forewarned that these names may seem to come out of nowhere if you aren’t familiar with the other stories.
I’m going to cut to the chase because the big problem I had with this book is not with its plot, though because the majority of the book dealt with Xavier pulling Ben out of his shell sexually, this book’s plot may come across as rather monotone (albeit a really sexy monotone) until the abrupt shift at the 75% mark. It also had nothing to do with the characters, though I admit that I struggled to like Xavier as a result of the big issue. My problem was entirely with the storytelling, and only half of it at that.
The book is told in alternating-first-person POV, and while it took me about half the book to put my finger on what the problem was, I knew I was struggling to like Xavier, despite the fact that his openness, his proud “I am who I am” attitude, fit perfectly as a counterpoint to Ben’s near-desperation to get over his reservations and sexual repression. Ben’s chapters are full of depth as he makes observations about not only his feelings but about seeing Xavier as a chance to reach fulfillment. As friends turn to lovers, Ben’s progression is a beautiful thing to witness, and all the way through, his focus seems to be outside of himself, largely on Xavier. Xavier’s chapters, by contrast, are often repetitive, full of unnecessary sentences and the minutiae surrounding whatever the scene is, and so much more in the style of telling me what happened instead of showing it to me. The biggest problem, though, is that while the storytelling from Ben’s POV feels well-balanced between both characters, Xavier’s storytelling feels like it’s focused almost completely on Xavier. By this, I don’t mean that Xavier is self-centered or anything, for his character is nothing like that. It’s the writing that has the wrong focus. For example, when Ben describes things about Xavier, it feels like getting to know Xavier through Ben’s senses, thereby learning things about both characters at the same time. When Xavier describes things about Ben, though, I got the impression that I was only getting information about Xavier and how he perceives things instead of actually seeing Ben through his eyes. And that meant I felt like I wasn’t getting the whole story half of the time.
So while I enjoyed the plot, the characters, and even the romance found in Living Out Loud a good deal, I was ultimately disappointed by the storytelling imbalance. This isn’t the first time I’ve had this problem in a collaboration, but unfortunately, it’s been the worst example of such a case that I’ve run across. It’s a pity too, because I’ve truly loved all of their collaborations before this one, as well as nearly all of their individually written books I’ve read. This had all the potential to be another winner for me, but it was only realized in half of the chapters. As such, I can still recommend this because I know I’m harder to please than the average romance reader, so it’s quite likely this is a case of “it’s me, not you.”
The authors and/or publisher generously provided me a complimentary copy of Living Out Loud in exchange for this fair and honest review.
“Get your ass down here.” He frowns and I pat the floor beside me. “I’m serious, B. Get your ass down here. You can take it off when I’m done if you don’t like it. How do you know if something’s your style if you’ve never done it?”
I blow on my fingernails trying to get them to dry. Ben doesn’t move right away, but then he slides down to the floor beside me.
My pulse kicks up a notch. I don’t know why I want this so much for him.
He puts his hand on the table and I paint the first nail.
“I feel stupid,” he tells me.
“Do you think I look stupid with it?”
“Hell no. You look hot but—”
“But nothing. Be quiet and let me work.”
He chuckles. “You’re bossy.”
“You ain’t seen nothing yet,” I reply before getting back to work on his nails. His fingers are long, thicker than mine. His hands are beat up from his work, rough and abused with little scratches on them. “I can’t wait till you can touch me. I love rough hands.”
“Oh shit,” he says with a thickness to his voice that tells me he’s getting turned on again.
I finish the first hand before saying, “Now, the other.” He sets that hand on the table, but I grab it, suck one of his fingers into my mouth, even though I hadn’t planned to touch him again tonight.
“Fuck, Xavier,” he says and his eyes roll back in a way that really gets me hard.
“Good?”
“Yes.”
“You’re trembling,” I tell him as his hand gently shakes.
“That’s because I’m really turned on right now.”
**Ben is from PAINT THE STARS and Xavier is from A HUNDRED THOUSAND WORDS, but LIVING OUT LOUD can be read as a complete standalone.
Paint the Stars
Christina Lee
A Hundred Thousand Words
Nyrae Dawn
Once upon a time, I lived in New York City and was a wardrobe stylist. I spent my days shopping for photo shoots, getting into cabs, eating amazing food, and drinking coffee at my favorite hangouts.
Now I live in the Midwest with my husband and son—my two favorite guys. I've been a clinical social worker and a special education teacher. But it wasn't until I wrote a weekly column for the local newspaper that I realized I could turn the fairytales inside my head into the reality of writing fiction.
I write Adult, New Adult, and M/M Contemporary Romance. I'm addicted to lip gloss and salted caramel everything. I believes in true love and kissing, so writing romance novels has become a dream job.
Now I live in the Midwest with my husband and son—my two favorite guys. I've been a clinical social worker and a special education teacher. But it wasn't until I wrote a weekly column for the local newspaper that I realized I could turn the fairytales inside my head into the reality of writing fiction.
I write Adult, New Adult, and M/M Contemporary Romance. I'm addicted to lip gloss and salted caramel everything. I believes in true love and kissing, so writing romance novels has become a dream job.
Nyrae Dawn
Nyrae Dawn can almost always be found with a book in her hand or an open document on her laptop. She couldn’t live without books—reading or writing them. Oh, and chocolate. She’s slightly addicted.
She gravitates toward character-driven stories. Whether reading or writing, she loves emotional journeys. It’s icing on the cake when she really feels something, but is able to laugh too. She’s a proud romantic, who has a soft spot for flawed characters, who make mistakes, but also have big hearts.
Whether she’s writing young adult, new adult, or adult you can always count on a healthy dose of romance from her books. She likes to tackle tough subjects, and believes everyone needs to see themselves in the stories they read.
Nyrae is living her very own happily ever after in California with her gorgeous husband (who still makes her swoon) and her two incredibly awesome kids.
She gravitates toward character-driven stories. Whether reading or writing, she loves emotional journeys. It’s icing on the cake when she really feels something, but is able to laugh too. She’s a proud romantic, who has a soft spot for flawed characters, who make mistakes, but also have big hearts.
Whether she’s writing young adult, new adult, or adult you can always count on a healthy dose of romance from her books. She likes to tackle tough subjects, and believes everyone needs to see themselves in the stories they read.
Nyrae is living her very own happily ever after in California with her gorgeous husband (who still makes her swoon) and her two incredibly awesome kids.
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